Saturday, June 12, 2010

Adorably Offensive

Part I: The Post-Break-Up Hotness Factor
I was tempted to call this 'The Metamorphosis of Claire' then decided
(a) That sounded far too much like a beauty commercial of the door-to-door salesgirl type. Bad.
(b) It could bring back really bad memories of Latin (apparently a bitch of a subject...not that I ever tried) and/or high school science (Now look at the ugly bug as it undergoes metamorphosis and turns into...a butterfly...Awww...which by the way only has a 24 hour lifespan before it dies. Apparent moral of the story: You spend most of your life ugly, have a brief epiphany of beauty and then die. Am I particularly cynical today? Probably)

No but seriously. I have decided...not that I'm drawing on personal experience or anything. That some people just look WAY hotter post-break-ups. Maybe it's the fact that you're on the prowl again...or that you just need to cut that bloody bastard out of your hair (yes I did that) and/or you're feeling your empowered woman (or man) mojo return in a whole new AB-FAB experimental way. But it is so true. Claire's always been beautiful. It's that stupidly gorgeous Eurasian gene that she has. But Z-O-M-G...the hair! The complete change of wardrobe and aesthetic! Goodbye standard student uniform of tees + jeans and hello 'oh I just picked this up off my floor and I look amazing' vintage perfection.

The first time I saw Claire post break-up. My jaw nearly dropped. Oversized blazer with a pocket chain and floral dress. This time it was an old jersey dress made good with a 'I just found this old thing' heirloom Ferragamo belt (adorably, she didn't even know it was Ferragamo and hence had to rely on my heinously acute designer spidey sense) and the bling...Oh the bling...

Part II: The 'Jerk' Necklace
The 'Jerk' necklace is so awesome it deserves a whole part to itself. No not a mere paltry sentence. A whole PART.
More so because I picked it. And yours truly also layered it over her old 'handed down from many an Asian mother-to-daughter' piece. And even if you're not impressed by my stylist abilities (although I am currently offering my service free of charge if you did want a personal shopper...*nudge nudge hint hint*...) it really was just the most fabulous thing I'd seen in a while.

It's by ex-Melbourne (currently Adelaide *sniffle* based) woman of bling - Toto (and available at Lenko...if you did want to stalk it out...because you should) and here I provide you with a well organized list of reasons why it should be your next statement piece:

(1) It is absolutely bold,adorable...and yet offensive. So it makes for those absolutely grand awkward moments where someone goes: 'Oh my god...what a cute necklace...but so...' (trails off into weird silence) Yes it says JERK goddammit...

(2) People who wish to insult you no longer have to actually say the word to your face because you have embraced it in an all too aesthetically cool way

(3) Related to the point above - you save yourself some effort by not having to insult people verbally anymore. It's just like my 'Yo' ring...I mean why say 'Hello' anymore when I could just give people the finger AND meet-and-greet 'em at the same time.

(4) You can get more offensive words. Like 'Ass' or even 'Ass Face'. Or just really naff words from the '90s. Like 'Dope' or 'Phat' (which is totally on my indulgence list once I get out of my fricken' house post-exams)

(5) At only 30 bucks a pop...your inner cheap Asian/Jew/stingy Ebenezer Scrooge should be rejoicing...because that's like ridiculously easy on the hip pocket for an awesome slice of bling. Pamela Love and your stupidly priced 800 buck bracelets. Eat your heart out.

Hell yes.




PS. You can find the full range of offensive (or just pretty awesome) words at:


  1. the jerk necklace - saying what we're all thinking without saying but, but also till saying it.

    to summarize: says it, doesn't say it, and says it.

    two thumbs up, ya jerk!

  2. haha I love this post!
    and that girl looks amazing. The colour of the dress is just fabulous

  3. haha great post! That is a particularly awesome necklace I must say

  4. Phwoar - what a great response!
    I should rant about jerks more often...

    @ Anon - I love your comments! You might just be my new best friend!
    @ Eveline - Aww thank you!! And yes Claire is amazing. Pretty both on the outside and the in.
    @ Jess - Thank you so much! And it can also get other words to boot

    Keep it sexy y'all